Here I sit…. in the womb-like silence of my house

Feeling the air particles press their kisses into my skin

Distance, space, hugging me

Dense, empty, silent air swirling in infinitesimal circles,

Smaller than pin heads, in molecular whirlpools, so tiny no one can feel they are moving

So they appear to be stone-still.

This is what it feels like when love is thousands of miles away

This is what it feels like when I have only air particles infused with thoughts of your warm hands, to keep me warm.

My spirit swirls and dances out in rays beyond this house, searching for you.

My hungering lulls me to sleep

My spirit comes back after searching, empty

Dreams fill up my spirit eyes

Like home videos of us.

Dreams rock and sway the pain away

Without you here, I need the whole world’s tiny offerings of kindness to make up for what’s missing

You are the Niagra Falls of love

The rest of the world only offers a cup at a time.

I sometimes make friends with ghosts, memories, to stop the pressing of the air

The squeezing of silence

The crushing roar of tiny air molecules

Telling me, chanting,

He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.

But I sleep again

And in the morning

The air is sweet to me again.

And sings me awake, softly,

because we’ve gotten through another 24 hours

And it’s closer to when

You’ll finally

be home.