Here I sit…. in the womb-like silence of my house
Feeling the air particles press their kisses into my skin
Distance, space, hugging me
Dense, empty, silent air swirling in infinitesimal circles,
Smaller than pin heads, in molecular whirlpools, so tiny no one can feel they are moving
So they appear to be stone-still.
This is what it feels like when love is thousands of miles away
This is what it feels like when I have only air particles infused with thoughts of your warm hands, to keep me warm.
My spirit swirls and dances out in rays beyond this house, searching for you.
My hungering lulls me to sleep
My spirit comes back after searching, empty
Dreams fill up my spirit eyes
Like home videos of us.
Dreams rock and sway the pain away
Without you here, I need the whole world’s tiny offerings of kindness to make up for what’s missing
You are the Niagra Falls of love
The rest of the world only offers a cup at a time.
I sometimes make friends with ghosts, memories, to stop the pressing of the air
The squeezing of silence
The crushing roar of tiny air molecules
Telling me, chanting,
He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.
But I sleep again
And in the morning
The air is sweet to me again.
And sings me awake, softly,
because we’ve gotten through another 24 hours
And it’s closer to when